Thursday, December 28, 2006
I think I may have stumbled immaturely upon the meaning of life.
And ladies and gentlemen it is a purple vibrating bear.
Let me explain this exciting discovery.
Two nights ago one of my bestests told me very bluntly that she was in need of a little something to get her through her nights. Specifically a little something that could make her oragsm.
Soooo Her, I and another one of our gals ran out and got ourselves some sex toys.
Please note that some sex toys does not mean we each bought multiple bags filled with kinky. We each bought one toy.
and thus I have hard my first orgasm.
Love thy true identity is
clit quiver bear vibe.
7:58 AM
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Kudos to Christmas this year for being really sweet.
Everything couldn't have gone better.
I got some really cute heart earrings from my mommy and daddy. Some
cute pink pjs from my oldest brother and his wifey. A cuute Hello Kitty Calender from two of my other brothers. And reall pretty makeup with beautiful shades that go with my skin tone really well. I also got this fabulous fa yogurt body wash set...<3 Let' just say I'm excited!
Oh and I've been doing my very best to keep aloof from Mr.NinjaBoy so he wouldn't tire of me, so I haven't talked to him in two days and it has been KILLING ME.
So finally I get up and decide okay today I am going to talk to him only to find that he has sent me an email!
He doesn't once say 'I miss you' or anything but...still he laments not having said Merry (Frikken) Christmas to me which is cute.
I had told him I wanted a teddy bear for Christmas this year...a huge one and along with the email he psed me with: P.S, I know you wanted a teddy but incase you didn't get one I got something close enough :p Lol. Take care!
And there it was-a drawing of a teddy bear. He drew me a teddy bear!
HE DREW ME A TEDDY BEAR!!!So maybe it's no diamond ring but it really makes me feel all warm inside!
*melts heart of ice*
What a lovely Chrimbo.
2:10 PM
Saturday, December 23, 2006
I am more than aware that is an unhealthy hour in the morning and that nobody with a real life would post something on here at this time unless they were a complete loser.
or you know.
me.
But i had to type this up not because I want to particularly remember it but because it's far too strange and hilarious (in my pseudo witty opinion) to not write about.
Why not write it tomorrow?
I have the attention span of a hummer bird on speed so chances are come tomorrow something new and just as strangely hilarious will occur and I will have forgotten all about my dream.
So right let's get ot it shall we?
You know those dreams that start off quasai believable and you're not aware that it's actually a dream because it's something might actually happen...but then it just suddenly starts incorporating the most unreal elements and plot twists that you just end up saying "WTF!?" and waking yourself up because there ain't not way it isn't a dream well my dream was one of those.
It's the strangest thing really.
It starts off with me being at Mr.Ninjaboy's house. He's not there yet for some reason though so I am left to mingle with his imaginary sister (who is ofcourse not imaginary in the context of the dream, but he does infact not have a sister in real life-this should have ofcourse tipped me off that I was in lala land but what can i say? You know i'm not all that bright,)
Anyway the sister is pretty nice energetic and really chatting up a storm. We are getting along well and I am thinking all is going well then Mr.Ninja boy enters and I go all shy and dumb (more so than usual) but his sister is coaxing us into being more bold. (I didn't mention it because it's not that important but I was wearing THE cutest outfit: A pink blouse with puffy sleeves and some adorable light jeans and pink tweed flats and my hair was curled and blonde and fabulous all around.)
Anyway he asks me if I'm thirsty and runs off the fetch me a drink (I don't remembe saying yes but I must have?)
This isn't even where things get strange.
His father and mother and grandfather show up and before I know it I'm doing the whole meet the family mambo. They are really just great-except the grandfather is naked.
Ya. buck wild naked. X_x But my dream vision spared me the sight from the waist down.
Things as far as I think are stil going rather well. Nobody is sending me looks of hate so I'm feeling good about the whole shebang until...his grandfather says something along the lines of.
"I'm sorry. You know I'm old I couldn't help it. Sometimes when you're old you just can't hold it."
I am ofcourse confused by this stament (AT FIRST) until I realize...he is referring to the walk he had just taken with Mr.Ninjaboy's parentsoutside...and he was apologizing for...well..not being able to hold it. And I suppose for also be buck wild naked.
I am creeped the hell out but ofcourse I smile and sympethetically tell him it's nothing to be ashamed of and that I'm not offended in the least. Everyone is smiling at me and I am thinking *SCORE THE FAMILY LOOOOOVES ME!*
Then a gust of wind...a mighty gust of wind...(think something along the lines of tornado strength here)
Suddenly I am not wearing ridiculously cute white washed out jeans I'm wearing the outfit I wore to a club saturday night. Which means I'm in a barely legal cleavage baring top and a too short for works excuse for a skirt.
Now remember that might tornado-esque gust of wind? Well ofcourse it didn't know any better and decided to turn my fabulous meeting of the family into a VERY intimate peep show.
I am trying in vain to pull the skirt down-I am begging life to go easy on me just this once all the while trying to giggle the situaiton off.
One of the strangest things is nobody else if bothered by the wind. Least of all the naked old man!
While still trying hopeless to keep my skirt down so my modesty doesn't show (and by modesty I mean underwear) when suddenly I don't have to worry about showing my modesty. No sirree.
Because ladies and gents I am not wearing any.
I am bare.
The yellow boy cut panties I had worn under the skirt when I had gone out last staurday decided to simply be nonexistant.
Not even a cameo.
Just poof.
NADA.
So the just of it is the entire family got to see my....everything.
I am thinking to myself "HOW THE HELL DID THIS HAPPEN!? How am i not wearing panties!?"
Feeling of regret over not having done my laundry lately come flooding in with the shame and beyond words embarassment i am feeling at the whole scenario.
AND SWEET LORD WHERE IS MR.NINJABOY!? Our would be relationship is now ruined by a moment of weakness if the not wearing any panties department and a fucking tornado that just plain hates me with a swirling vortex like passion.
I try to search for words but find none. I try to look at their faces to decepher some sort of comfort and relief from this pantiless death trap.
BUT NOTHING.
no reaction. The wind dies down.
and his mother says "Don't worry *insert Mr.ninjaboys father's name here* liked it."
WHHHHAAAA?
All i manage to spit out is "Oh...no.." and a breathless poor attempt at a giggle escapes my lips.
They are all in shock as is my usual underwear wearing self.
I suddenly feel the urge to lash out to blame something or someone for this most unfortunant of occurences but all I say is
"I'm really not actually a whore! I was sure I was wearing panties! I was sure!"
which is absurd.
Nobody responds and so I carry on with my "I'm not actually a whore!" please
I turn to MNB's mother and suddenly she's mine! My mother is there looking at me dissaprovingly. This caused me some worry because if my mom is his mom then that would be inconvinient and because well...suddenly my mother has just seen my whoring non pantie show starring yours truly.
Now Mr.Ninja boy decides to finally show up and he's holding something I predict was alcoholic in nature and the room is drowning in akward silence
My mind: AAAAHHHH! WHY AM I NOT WEARING PANTIES!? WHYYYYYYY!?!? AND WHY IS THE OLD MAN STILL NAKED?!
with that I run out of the room and I wake up........
What is the meaning of this dream!?
I admit I have gone commando once or twice but never wearing an undecently shirt skirt and never to a guy's house! and I also more then sure that I have never flashed someone's entire family like that (intentionally anyway)
My heart is doing the achey breaky thing it does...even though I realize it's just a dream.
What does this dream meeeaaan?!
Does the old naked name symbolize the naked truth?
Does my own mother think i'm a slutsack metaphorcially or otherwise?
Are ninja boy and I just not meant to be?
All i know is that I am never going commando ever again ever.
11:06 PM
Well hello there.
I think we got off on the wrong foot.
Because contrary to what my latest posts would have you believe I am in actuality a very fun-loving person. Fun fun fun-love love love that's me!
And after spending the night with my friends and drinking some sort of cuban liquor which tasted awfully like banana penisilun=yum and smoking like a chimney AND downing 3-4 glasses of chocolate milk I have decided that life (my life in particular) is actualy all kinds of awesome.
and I really do mean all kinds.
First we have the 'i'm young and sexy' kind of awesome then we have the 'i am not starving in a third world country where bombs are falling on me' kind of awesome. My life even has the 'I believe in love' awesome which is so fleeting these days.
So with all that mind blowing awesomeness in mind I have decided to take one whole semestre off.
That's roughly 6 months ish.
It has taken some considerable thought to finally decide this...umm..decision. For you see I have contemplated the idea of becoming a hobo as a consequence of my taking one semestre off. I have worried that I will make too much hype around the upcoming 6 months (what with the whole new years resolutions and my 18th birthday coming up) and then be dissapointed when it all winds down because I might not accomplish the things I want to.
During these 6 months I will strive for everything I have ever wanted. I have a really long to do list that I will put up here later.
Which includes things such as having great hair, having my driving license and...ummm well generally more awesomeness.
Pretty much I just need these 6 months to figure out what the hell I'm going to do for the rest of my life. I don't want to wake up one morning and be 50 and hate everything about my life.
Wow...waking up and suddenly being 50 would be bad enough!
Christmas is in two days and methinks I know what I'll be receiving this holiday season from the jolly man in red and that my friends is cold hard cash.
It's going to be a very very merry Christmas.
2:55 AM
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
What have I been up to?
Gosh well...let's see!
First I should inform everyone that I fell off the wagon! And none too gracefully either.
I had forgotten just how much I love Vodka...and let's just say I love it more that I do most people I know! And this is including family members so tis no jest when I declare my devotion for this certain alcoholic substance.
That said-It just wouldn't be the holidays if I were sober.
My parents should be coming back from Mexico ...tomorrow! It's about time too- I've almost forgotten what they look like and let's not even start with their names!
So My sleeping habits have been...
uneahlthilly strange..as of late. Basically I go to bed when I used to get up to go to school. 6 am.
Yaaaa...
I also went clubbing saturday night and got dance raped. NOT TOO MUCH FUN REALLY. part of me likes it while part of me still thinks i should shower off the shame of the night.
I met a funny guy (he might not have been that funny...I was really really drunk!) His name was Craig and he worked for Parlimant...(or you know...again I should mention i was really drunk so he might not have been funny firstly and well...parliment sounds alot like pornography department when I'm tipsy...and i don't hear all that well when I'm sober so either way...whoops?)
ANYWAY IF YOU EVER READ THIS: "HI CRAIG FROM OTTAWA!" loves shout outs i'm sure.
Anyway Craig, I'm actually not such a fucking whore and I apologize for being underage and ditching you..and I apologize for my behaviour. I was just really drunk and you know that piece of 2'' cloth sorry excuse for a skirt i was wearing? you know what i'm talking about! you kept trying to take off while we were on the dance floor? anyway...I apologize for that too!
Anyway the only real reason I mention Craig is that he said something that made me stop and go hmmmm
"Anne, If you were my girlfriend I wouldn't let you come to a place like this."
Thanks Craig. If I were my girlfriend I wouldn't let me come to a place like that either. Good call. Soo never going back there ever again.
Next time me and the girls are hitting up the classy joints.
My lord though we were soo trashed....we have to call Nez Rouge!
Even when we got out of the club some black guy tried to get me into his car!
Wtv I was asking for it...wearing what i was wearing and..being drunk.
It's like I've come full circle back to my bad habits with only one difference...
I feel a whole lot smarter and I know what I want. Well atleast I think i know what i want...?
I'm thinking about taking a year off from school and working...and you know...living.
I feel like I'll be in school for atleast 5 years (Cegep then university..) and then I'll be working...so when will i have time to just experience life?
I hate the way that works...school is just not where I want to be right now.
I have goals that don't involve school right now...
-Going to mexico
-Being 110 pounds
-Being really Tanned
-Dying my hair blonde Blonde and getting a perm
-Having an organized and clean room
-Having really really hot Clothes
-Taking an Esthetician Course
-Learning how to Knit!
-Being able to do The splitz
-Attaining healthy Nutrition
-Learning how to Cook! (desserts and sushi..and stuff!)
-Taking Japanese courses
-Taking Body massage courses
-Getting a boyfriend
-Getting rid of warts
-Taking Swimming lessons
-Taking Driving lessons
and then later on maybe I'll just be an esthetician or a fittness trainer or teach english to foreigners or being a kindergarden teacher or council young kids! all options!
But before all that I feel like i should take atleast one year off to figure myself out and get my head right.
Oh and I have the hugest crush on Mr.Cuteninja boy and we have a date july 3rd because I'm an idiot...I don't know how I'm going to play this one off!
Come January 1st I'm back on the road to attain fabulous-osity!
1:24 AM
Thursday, December 07, 2006
"Drink up baby down.Mmm, are you in or are you out?
Leave your things behind,'Cuz it's all going off without you.
'Scuze me, too busy,You're writing your tragedy.
These mishaps, your bubble wrap, when...
You've no idea what you're like...
So let go Mmm, jump in
Oh well whatcha waiting for?
It's alright,'Cuz
there's beauty In the breakdown."
-Imogen Heap
"I just smoked my very very very last cigarette ever for the rest of my life." Is what i wrote almost a week ago.
Since then I have had...i can't even remember how many cigarettes.
But this time I mean it.
No more.
NO MORE.NO MORE!Because really...I'm just too umm fabulous for cigarettes?Hai hai!
9:37 AM
Friday, December 01, 2006
What is this feeling?
It feels like...my heart is breaking..........
I do not like writing about my feelings or my lows in this journal because i don't like admiting that I have faults...i don't even like admitting it to myself....I don't like admitting that I fail at things...that I'm not everything I want to be....
I'm not organized...i'm not dedicated...I'm actually lazy and selfish and...emotional you know?
and lately...to add to the list I'm lonely...
I've never felt this way before...I've always had so many people around me, but now I'm starting to feel alone and unresolved and unfulfilled and i don't know what to dooooo.
I started smoking again...bad eating habits followed soon after but I'm really trying...
I want to be the girl/woman that Mr.Ninja guy can fall for...
I want to be able to knit and do the splitz and be delicate yet...strong!
and i just smoked another cigarette thinking (hoping wishing...) that it will be my last and that tomorrow i can start new again...
and i was wearing my mom's nightgown because i miss her..and i just burn it with cigarette ash...
Will i always fail like this? Will i always continue to dissapoint myself and others? Always falling short...
I feel sick...I just want to go to bed and sleep and dream of something better.
9:00 PM
Monday, November 27, 2006
"You’re getting sadder, getting sadder, getting sadder, getting sadderAnd I don’tunderstand, and I don’t understandBut if I kiss you where it’s soreIf I kiss you where it´s sore will you feel better, better, betterWill you feel anything at all?"-Regina Spektor:Better
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Please God...let me survive these last two weeks of school. PLEEEEEAAASE <3
Pretty please with a cherry on top!
9:18 AM
